Little Sinners

So I have finally realized a simple truth, that you might have thought I’d have grasped a pregnancy or two ago: the third trimester is exhausting.  And maybe it’s worse when there are two toddlers to chase around, but honestly I think I’d be pretty exhausted even without their interference.

My biggest “problem” this time is that I had a routine, and was doing a reasonable job of keeping laundry washed, food on the table (and more importantly, off the floor), kids happy and schooled, and dust bunnies banished.  Things weren’t perfect, but for perhaps the first time in my life, I was starting to understand how the whole housekeeping thing was supposed to work.

Now it’s really, truly all I can do to keep up on the bare minimum: the kitchen and dining room are cleaned enough to keep flies away, the clothes are washed and folded but not put away, dinner is getting kind of repetitive and chronically simple (but still edible, I think, and occasionally in existence), and the floors are getting vacuumed but rarely mopped.

And the blog, you’ll notice, is perilously close to abandoned.  I don’t have energy to think at the end of the day, much less write!  Hopefully it’ll be back by February.

All this is driving me CRAZY.  I‘d forgotten how tiring this stage was—or maybe I just plain didn’t realize in the first place since I had lower expectations for myself—and I didn’t see it coming at all.  This pregnancy has been more comfortable up to this point than the other two, and I guess I assumed it was going to keep going so nicely.  So now I’m really struggling with figuring out what is laziness and what is genuine inability to do what I “need” to do.  Some critical points I’m trying to focus on:

• Trying to be realistic without being complainy.  Which is… hard.  There’s a certain amount of communication necessary, but it’s always easy to wallow, too.  :)
• Figuring out what really needs to be done, and what can realistically get done less often—or not at all—until January.  I probably don’t need to be cleaning out the basement… or blogging.
• Using every moment I do feel okay.  They’re not very often, but some days I have an hour or so.  I’m trying to be conscious of those and work like crazy until I’m ready to fall out.  Some days (like today) they don’t seem to happen at all.
• Asking for help with activities that should be easy for a normal person, but aren’t for me.  Like picking up ten million toys off the floor… this might take Seth ten minutes, but a lot longer (and a lot more exhausting) for me right now.  Other things, like running to the store, aren’t a lot slower for me to push through myself.

All this to say, the blog isn’t “dead” or on hiatus, but I definitely won’t be keeping up with a remotely regular schedule of posting anytime soon.

As much as it amazes me how different our two children are, this pregnancy is really shocking me a lot more!  The first two were night-and-day in the sense that with E, I had hyperemesis gravidarum and threw up all the way through to and in labor, whereas with R, I literally didn’t throw up a single time.   But otherwise, the two pregnancies were pretty similar—similar aches and pains (and lack thereof), similar cravings (and lack thereof).  I felt like I was on familiar terrain the second time around, and was just immensely thankful not to be puking.  So I thought #3 would be similar.

And it really hasn’t been, at all.  I’ve actually felt a lot better all around—I did have pretty bad morning sickness (although nothing approaching the way it was the first time), but, well, here’s a good illustration: with #1, I was absolutely miserable trying to sleep, until I finally got a pregnancy support pillow for Christmas at about five months.  I still tossed and turned and was really sore, though.  With #2, I still had the pregnancy pillow and unhesitatingly pulled it out of the basement at about two months!  This time ‘round, however… I still haven’t gotten it out.  I’m really amazed at how non-pregnancy-y I feel as far as being sore and uncomfortable.  It’s really nice!  I’ve really only been noticing the past few days that my back is starting to get a bit achey by the end of the day—another symptom that’s hit a lot earlier before.  And the best thing of all… no restless leg syndrome so far this time!  Sometimes I think that’s worse than morning sickness.

Really the only thing I’m struggling with this pregnancy is that my metabolism seems to be through the roof, and I’m having so much trouble with eating enough that it has, in some ways, been more serious / harder to deal with than the hyperemesis was.  A lot pleasanter, for which I’m thankful, but also scarier because I have moments when I’m quite sure I’m going to pass out.  (Although now that I think about it—I actually did pass out when I was pregnant with E, so maybe my memory is just flawed on that point, and it’s only scarier ‘cause I have two munchkins running around who would be very much unsupervised if I did pass out, haha.)  I think I’m also dealing with some aftereffects from the diastasis incurred last time ‘round… which is really minor as a complaint (I just keep pulling my abdominal muscles, which rather hurts but not for long), but I think I need to mention it at my next appointment.  I don’t think it had had time to heal between R’s birth and now, and I’m a little worried about the future implications of that.  (Recommendation of pregnancy support belts welcome…)

One fantastically good thing: I don’t think I’ve been nearly as tired this time!  And I think it’s easier, honestly, to take care of a two-year-old (E) and a five-thru-fifteen-month old (R) than it was to take care of a single seven-through-seventeen-month old (E, when pregnant with R).  E’s very existence really helps with R, because she’s good at fetching and picking things up off the floor—not to mention entertaining her little sister!  Toddlers are pretty nice things to have around if you’re pregnant, apparently!

I felt E move at about 22 weeks—hideously late.  And I felt her move on the outside before I could feel her inside.  R was a totally different story; I felt her at 12 weeks and it seems like we could feel her outside around 18 or so.  So I thought, oh, first baby, feel late, how normal.

Then I didn’t feel L until this week.  Again, outside first.  It was so late!  (About 18 weeks, 20 by the earlier due date.)  Which was a little worrisome, because I kept wondering if he was moving or not!

Finally I felt these little blips, those tiny pokings that make me feel like Kane on Alien.  And a small sigh of relief: now I can know he’s all right.  And a feeling of responsibility: now I have to pay attention to make sure he’s still all right, tomorrow, next week, next month.  And now we’re connected: biding our time with the most rudimentary communication of bumps and punches until, Lord willing, they’re replaced by cries and gurgles and lullabies.

It’s so very odd to have a little human inside.